we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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