In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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