Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
not ubering you a puppy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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