Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
