just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
