i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
