In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
