AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
