if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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