Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
