Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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