this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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