drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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