You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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