she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh god it's open bar.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
