Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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