Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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