So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
