how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
