well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
