I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
