speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
