When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
