if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
