he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
