can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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