sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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