alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've blown a few things in my day
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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