One blow job doesn not make me gay.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
