hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
