just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
