her facebook's as public as her vagina
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
