she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize