This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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