I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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