MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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