I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
