I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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