Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
