YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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