It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
