found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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