My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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