She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
