We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
