Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
