Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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