I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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