My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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