I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
