Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
