You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
