I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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