my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
