so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
